Joseph
My name is Joseph and I am 28 year old black male living in Atlanta. Today January 1st 2008 I was diagnosed as being HIV positive. I believe that my last lover of 3 months gave it to me when he penetrated my anus without a condom. We had been started dating in October, and I had not had sex in almost a year and after dating for several weeks thought it time to give it a try. I went through the who ordeal of asking what type of condoms we should use and getting the right I.D glide. Well that night while beginning penetration, I could not see him put the condom on as I was forward of him. Even though he pulled out and ejaculated on my back, I wanted to be sure. I turned around and saw the unused condom sitting on the bed. Horrified I scolded him.
Weeks after I broke off the relationship January 9th, I went in for a test to see why my hair was falling out and to see if it were caused by my vegetarian eating habits (Lack of Iron), or what. The Dr. suggested an HIV test as well since it had already been a year since my last one. Upon telling me, he told me that the results broke his heart. I did not cry but just had this look of disappointment on my face, while he sat there telling me what comes next. I remember him saying something about a second test which he believed would come back positive as well. I could no longer pay him any attention I am waiting on the results I had been on the phone with my best girl Amanda, and breaking the news to her that I was HIV positive really tore her apart. I contacted Louis and he never called back. As far as my family goes, I have told no one. I grew up in a very religious family. The news would tear my father apart completely. Its shameful enough trying to cope with such a taboo topic. "I will fight this virus, and I will win. I will be the statistic that kept on living, I guarantee it.
Alex
When do i begin, dont know really where too. well i guess here my name is alex and i live in the south of england im 27 male and its 20th march 2007,
Ive only found out that ive got HIV, in the last three weeks, I guess at this moment im angry at the world and everyone around me, getting very little sleep and just working long days just trying to not belive in this nightmare is happening to me.
I know its not there fault, but of my own, my family now know and so do my friends but i have distances myself away from everyone i love and care and trusted, I know i still can live a normal life and live for many years too come, but all i can keep thinking is why me, I must of been bad in another life or something,
Ive always been carefully and got to know others befor having sex, but i know now that you can never trust someone, because they can easly do this to you and hurt you from the inside out just to please there own needs,
My doctor has told me that i should sit down and talk to someone even my friends, they all there to help me through this i know that, but im not ready to talk or open up to someone about my pain and hurt, i feel so alone in this world at the moment not sure where to turn to, Or where to run, why me,
AVERT.org: Helplines and community organisations in the UK can be found in our UK section. We also have a directory of AIDS service organisations in the USA.
Richard
We have all heard the saying that Oral sex is "safer" sex, which I too to an extent believe to be true with the very limited evidence at hand. However since my diagnosis in June 2005 I have learnt of many people claiming to have contracted HIV the same way as myself, Oral Sex!
Yes we are shunned and even called liars, dismissed as false statistics and accused of trying to scare monger.
Well the fact of the matter is oral transmittion of HIV is a very real threat, and one we should wake up too and invest more research and obtain reliable evidence.
With the huge increase in herpes, syphilis and other STD's our mouth is becoming a more suitable route of transmission as the HIV has the ability to 'piggy back' into our system.
Since the Thatcher years of huge icebergs and information regarding HIV, I decided that it was something I would never catch. I always used condoms for anal sex and never allowed anyone to ejaculate into my mouth. I never had a condom split on me and wouldnt even kiss if i had cracked lips. I was obsessed to point that I used to phone the National Aids helpline to ensure what I was doing was safe and that I was protected.
In May 2005 I had oral sex with a stranger, he was fit, toned and looked the perfect bill of health. This didnt prevent me from practicign safe sex. However without warning the guy ejaculated in my mouth. It happened so quick and with no warning. I was angry that it had happened, but not concerned as oral sex was considered safer sex.
After 4 weeks I fell dreadfully ill, I had a sore on my penis and raised lymth nodes in my groin. I was sufferig a temperature of 103 and was listless.
I decided to get myself off to the GUM and gave blood for a HIV test, thankfully the results were back the same day and I was negative (June 16th 2005). I was elated and so very happy and relieved.
I was seen by a Consultant as I had also developed a bady rash, he was mildly concerned that I was suffering a seroconversion illness, but from my sexual history and negative HIV test thought improbable.
Due to the severity of my symptons, it was decided that a special p24 test should be carried out. This test finds the HIV virus rather than the anti bodies, I was to return in 4 days time for the results.
The next 4 days were fine, I had been given a negative HIV test and thought my illness was something doing the rounds. I was not worried about the result, lets face it Oral sex is safer sex right, wrong!
I sat in the GUM waiting room for the nurse to give me the all clear. Instead the Consultant called me in I thought this is odd, what does he want. I sat down and was told that the HIV virus was present in my body and that I was also suffering with herpes. I starred at him and said "this is so unfair". I had always protected myself, washed hands, rinsed mouth, used condoms covered any grazes I may have had.
I sat there and just kept repeating "this is so unfair" Within 4 days I had been diagnosed HIV negative and then HIV positive. My head was messed up as you can imagine.
The consultant concluded that the guy who ejaculated in my mouth could have been shedding the herpes virus and that the HIV came with it.
I was gutted, the first time I had encountered any kind of 'safer' (not safe) sex and I was infected.
The turmoil then got worse as I was advised it could be a false positive result, so more bloods were taken to see if my body had yet produced anti bodies. Two weeks later it was a definate confirmation. I was HIV positive from oral sex.
The usual philes of bloods were taken and my viral load came back at 100,000 and a cd4 of 535, within 3 months my viral load had dropped by 87,000 to 13,000 and cd4 increased to over 600.
So what are the actual risks of catchin HIV from oral sex? Statisticly 1 in 50,000. Yet since my diagnosis more and more people have informed that they too caught it from oral transmission.
We use lube and condoms for our arse, but what protected apart from saliva do we have for our mouths. How healthy are our gums, how often do we bite our tongue whilst eating, what gum damage do we cause when flossing or brushing, how safe is our tongue after cleaniig it. Tooth picks, knives and forks, sharp crisps, and other foods damage our mouth tissue. Hot drinks can burn the lining of the mouth causing small blisters. All these make a perfect openin for HIV and othe STD's
Perhaps through the circumsatances surroundin my infection, others may consider a little more regarding what risk they are prepared to take when having Oral sex.
Do I feel cheated out of a healthy life. Yes I do. I didnt ask the guy to ejaculate and would not have invited such an act. The actions I took were considered safer, but how safe was my mouth.
RICHARD
AVERT.org: Read more about HIV and oral sex.
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