LRM
Hi all,
I'm a 35 year old single mom to a wonderful boy. On the 4th March 2008 on the eve of my son's birthday my best friend accompanied me to have my HIV test done and thank God that she came with me. The result came back positive, I was "ready" for anything, because somehow since my boyfriend mentioned that we should get tested, I was worried, I deliberated about it and eventually I came to the realisation that whatever the results I'll have to live with the outcome. I didn't think that I would be positive but somehow the thought did cross my mind. My most recent ex-boyfriend said he was admitted to hospital and he was told that he had TB. That bothered me a while since we were having unprotected sex after just talking about it saying that we will look after each other if we were ever HIV positive. Unfortunately at that time I was going through a rough time in terms of relationships.
I am a typical comfortable young woman who had everything but no man in her life. I have a good paying job, drive my own fancy car and have a home for my son, but that unfortunately is not really enough if you don't have that "significant other". So I met this man, thought I was in love, he told me what I needed to hear at that time and in retrospect he met me at the "right" time for him and "wrong" time for me. I was vulnerable, and so I fell into the "trap". Now I am HIV positive. I am not angry at him, I am not angry at myself, I am not blaming him, I am not blaming myself, so who am I angry at and who do I blame for this – NO ONE. For me being angry at someone or blaming someone is not going to change the fact that I am HIV positive. What I need to do now is to educate myself about this virus as much as I can so that I can live a long, healthy, very prosperous and productive life for as long as I can. I believe I am not in denial, somehow recently I had started developing this attitude that if you can't change it then don't bother or waist your time, learn to live with it. This was about life in general for me – e,g, if a child has done something wrong, screaming or smacking the child will not change what has happened, but talking and making the child understand the wrong doing should help, so don't scream nor smack the child.
Everyday I talk to myself and remind myself that it is ok, everything is ok. I can't wait to get my CD 4 count and viral load results because I feel that is more daunting that the fact that I am HIV positive. For me knowing my status will help me live a better life, look after I better, educate myself and look after my family better – my son. I am reading stories from people who are living with this virus, people who have lived with this virus unknowingly for years and that is so encouraging because I am lucky that I have found out as soon as I have and it gives me the opportunity to do something about my condition. Educate, educate and more educate myself and hopefully one day share my knowledge with other people – especially my family and friends first before I go out to the world. I have learnt so much about this virus and how ignorant or uneducated people are about this virus and it is so sad that I had to be positive for me to want to learn. And then again one never sees the need until the opportunity presents itself. I knew as little as lot of people know about HIV and I thought I knew a lot.
Since my discovery I have not told anyone and I don't see the need to. The only people who know is my friend and myself and for now that is enough. I am coping well, she is as supportive as can be and I am ok with that. I know the time will come when I have to tell my boyfriend, but now is not the time, and when the time comes I will be "ready".
Thanks for the wonderful website. This is a wonderful platform for a lot of us who would like to talk about this but don't know to whom. Someone anonymous, someone who is in your shoes and someone who will understand without judging you or mocking you. Will keep you posted about my results. I hope to get them in this week still, I am living positively positive and it might sound funny but I am glad I found out, not that I am positive but that I know my status and I can do something about it, NOW.
LRM
Stephy
Hi, im Stephy, 28yrs from NIgeria. i guess the saying goes "it happens even to the most carfull people" its actually true. if any one told me i could get inffected with HIV, i'll argue with the person endlessly but it so happend that i was tested HIV+ afterall in October 16th 2007. despite all the safety measures, never have sex without condom, no oral sex, always careful when kissing and never kissed when i or my guy had a bruise on the mouth, made sure i took all the preventive measure to avoid being HIV+ yet i was tested positve (that's a bomb for me) i never bargained for that. just one careless mistake, had sex without protection and i was tested HIV+tive.
I fell very ill for like 2months with prolonged daheorea i lost a lot of weight when i decided to go for HIV test and was found positive it knocked me off my feet but i had to be strong i demanded for a second test and a third confirmation test because i didnt believe the first test and was confirmed HIV+tive. i took a long walk to where only heavens knew because i was out of this world then, i thought all was gone my life future and plans all drained (all thanks to my guy). i cried for several hours i got more ill and didnt want to disclose the news to anyone. i felt like just dying at that moment and asked a lot of questions; why me? how did it happen? what would become of me? for how long do i have to live?
my guy got me infected he confessed to me that he's positive (after a great deal of confrontation) he told me he was tested positive 4months ago but didnt know how to tell me less he losses me by the time he discloses his HIV status to me so he decided to keep to himself and find an appropriate day and time to tell me of his status when the time is right. that never helped but rather resulted neagtively because i felt so hurt and cheated. as if it wasnt enough he later broke the ralationship with me and left the town to where i never knew. up till date i've not heard from him his number stop going through anytime i tried to call him, his e-mail address wasnt active any more. im so hurt and lonely he reaped me of my future and abscounded in the thin air.
my whole life is devastated untill i choose to tell my tell my sister whom i confide in she encouraged me and gave me support, she took me to a clinic where i got medication and counseling i still havent gotten over the trauma. i at times isolate myself from people even my brothers and sisters, i cry my head off, asking questions that i dont seem to have any answers for. im yet to tell my brothers and sisters with the fear of stigmatization and rejection. my whole world is crumbling down, i need some one whom i can share exeriences with a friend i can confide in someone who'll take me as i am, am so scared of the world.
all i want to do now is try to retrieve my steps, get myself together and move on if life worth living positively.
i hope a lot of young girls like me would learn a lesson from my mistake "just once and got infected" so never you trust any one not for once not even your self kos you might be carried away and do something wrongly and before you realiase it it's irreversable so becareful always.
Thank you.
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