Anonymous
i am 15 and i live in the uk this year i discovered i was gay at first i could not believe it i was stunned.
me and my straight friends always hang out together. one day we were dared to swim naked in the pool
so we took the challenge up. me and my friends (who are male) jumped in the pool naked i started to get an erection and my friends started to laugh asking why i had one. i then told them i was gay they said that's ok mate.
i found that it is better to tell your friends before your parents because your friends are more easy going.
im now 15 and a half and i have seen this hot guy he is 15 also he catches my bus one day he invited me over to his house for the night (he doesn't know I'm gay) that night his parents went to bed at about 10.00 at night and so did we. at around 2 o'clock in the morning we woke up and he came into my bed i said "oh hi" he said ' i love you I'm gay' and i said so am i.
We sat and talked for 10 mins then he put his hands in my underpants and took them off he took his off to we did something's you would rather not hear about but I'm now going out with him our love for each other is still private but we pash all the time.
the moral of this story is its ok to be gay and the gay community love you for who you are.
Feeling the love
Well, where do I start. I'm nineteen and currently a college student. My story may be like the rest of yours.
I would say that I've been aware about my gay-ness since about the age of five. Even though I probably had no clue what "gay" was, I remember being attracked to men. Though I claim never have had a crush I remember having one on my older sister's boyfriend Michael when I was about nine or ten. If you repeat that I'll deny it without a thought.
I've tried desperately to conceal my homosexuality. I would say that I'm not effeminate, but in earlier grades and less frequently in high I was asked if I were gay, to which I would reply no. I hated school because of it. Feeling you have some thing to hide tends to dampen any positive feelings.
I remember a time, that now when I look back, was a big mistake. In middle school there was the kids who said looked like. All the girls thought he was cute (which I find strange because no one said the same about me... well at least to my face). Anyway, back to the story. So a lot of girls liked him, which was strange because my "gay-dar" would go off every time he would come to school. One day in history as we were watching some bull about the '20s he passed me a note. He wrote backwards so if some was trying to read it they would have difficulty. (I didn't say he was smart) In the letter asked me these questions that alluded to sex with me which made me feel every uncomfortable.
So like the next week we had a field trip and the letter was still bothering me so I told my best friend about the letter and she suggested that I tell a teacher. So next day I did. Next thing I know it was all over school. My friend had told every one. I felt so bad for the kid. The school said it was sexual haressment. He got in all kinds of trouble. I felt like I ruined school for him.
This moment pushed back my coming out like three years. I'm really sorry about it and if you're out there and think I may be talking about you I'm sooo deeply, truly sorry. Words cannot express how much regret I feel for what I did.
Then in high school I found myself lying to fit in. I made up girlfriends. Lied about how many people I've been with. And all this did was make me hate myself more. Then on LGBT Community's day of silence of this year I came out to my siblings. I was like I great lifted off my whole being. Completely liberting. A few weeks later I came out to my mom... okay I kind of just asked a series of questions that would lead her there. Even though she tries to support me, I can tell she hopes its a phase. Then I week later my cousin as if I was gay. I said yes with pride, I felt I had reall gotten some where. He thinks it a choice, but who cares our relationship hasn't changed. They only people I have not told are my aunt, whom I live with and older sister. I'll get around to my sister on National Coming Out day, my aunt on the other hand--not to sure, though I'm sure she has heard from some one.
So I'm starting to feel good about my sexuality, when I begin to feel pressure from my church. I should first state that I was forced to go to church every Sunday since freshmen year. Its a really fundamentalist church. No gay allowed. Its seems like every time there was a sermon it was about gay. "Gay to Hell" sermons. I felt like I was being pushed back into the closet. I becoming depressed. Suicidial even. Then two weeks ago I decided that I just could not go any more. And I'm feeling happier than even.
Oh yeah!! So I have the best friends ever. My high school was known as the "gay" school, as in homsexual. And through out the whole thing I felt I was wondering where is the gay. I mean I knew gay people, not I'm sorry "bi." But no one I felt comfortable with. Then over the summer my friend came out. I so glad he did. Now I have some one to talk to.
Before I leave I just want every to know that we're in this together. We can be the support when the world fails to understand. I LOVE all of you!! And that I hope you saw that I used the possessive when referring to my sexuality. We have to own it. Not one of us can risk being labeled by society.
PS - I did proof read and want every one to know that this is not a sign of my intelligence.
Tom
Hi, my name is Tom. I'm 14 years old and come from south east london. I first realised that i was gay when i was 13.
When i was doing a show with a boy called Giorgio i first knew i was gay. We were sitting in the wings when he put he arm around me and started cuddling me, so i joined in. During the course of the show we were holding hands a lot and touching each other. I think that he was just being a mate but i really enjoyed it and that's when i knew I had feelings for him. He would sit on my lap quite a few times and i used to get scared that i might get a boner.
A year later I came out to my dancing friends and I told Giorgio that i very much loved him. To my disbelief he was ok with it and are friendship hadn't changed. I think he is so cute and i always dream about touching and kissing him. When he is near me he just makes me feel so good and I just wish he felt the same way.
About a month ago I was at a party and Giorgio was there. We all got a bit drunk and after a while me and him snogged. He says he's not gay, but to snog me even knowing that I'm gay he must be or bi.
From an early age I have always been teased for acting camp and because I dance. I love dancing and this all I want to do in life. I just want people at school to except me for who I am. I have only told a few friends that I was gay including a gay friend at school. I think that it is an advantage to me having gay friends because we can talk about gay stuff.
When I told my mum that I was gay she wasn't that shocked because I am a dancer. She did cry but she said that she will still love me and is proud that I have come out.
When I masturbate, I masturbate over my friends who are boys and I sometimes finger myself. I do talk about wanking with my straight friends, who are quite curious of how I know I am gay and what I like about boys.
There is nothing wrong with being GAY
Spinner
Hi, my name is Dan, but my friends call me Spinner. I'm 15 years old and I realized I was gay since I was 11.
Since I was in 5th grade I would look at guys and imagine them naked and I liked it. When I was in 6th grade I was at a friends house and we were talking and he kissed me just to see what it was like. When I was in 8th grade I came out to my school and my mom and sister. Everyone supported me. Last summer I was out with my friends and some guys came up to us and started to beat me up for being gay even though I never told them I was. My friends were able to get them off me and called the cops. I had to go to the hospital and get stitches and I broke 2 ribs. I was going to tell my dad, but he is homophobic and he refers to gays as "sick fags who need to be put on some island".
Last year in class I took a liking to a boy named Dave. He was 16, had black hair and green eyes. One day he came up to me and asked me to tutor him and I said I would and he told me to come to his house. That day I went to his house and after an hour of studying he asked if I wanted to take a swim and stay over night. I said yes and we went for a swim. I saw he was very athletic and had the perfect body. That night we went to his room and he only had one bed so we shared. At 2 a.m. i woke up with him touching my 'thing'. I asked what he was doing and he was so embaresed and said he was gay and that he really liked me. Then i leaned over and kissed him and we went from there to have sex.
One day he came to my house and we were kissing when my dad walked in. He freaked out at me and Dave and blamed Dave for turning me into a fag, but I jumped in and told him I was gay. He was stunned and that night he slept at a hotel. I talked to him the next day and told him that if he wanted to pretend it never happened then he could, but I was going to keep dating Dave and that sooner or later he would have to deal with it. He is comming to terms with it and Dave and I have been together for 3 months and he is going to be a junior and i'm going to be a sophmore. I'll be 16 in 3 weeks.
-DJ
Hi, my name is DJ. I'm 18, and I found out that I was attracted to both men and women when I was very young. I was five, and remember this vividly. My older brother was pointing to a large bilboard in NY city. It had a woman on it who was almost naked. He said that he liked it, and I told him that I sort of did. But I wouldnt mind it being a guy either. I have had many crushes on male friends.
When I hit puberty at 12 I realized that I would always enjoy looking at both men and women. So I didnt really want anyone to know I was that way. So I just kept dating girls even if I didnt like most of them. But when I was with them they would notice that I would stare at other people, and not girls either. Men.
It was around 13 turning 14 I met my friend Alex. He was this very solitary boy who lived down the street from me and went to an online school because his parents didnt want him going to any school saying it was different here, as to where he moved from. He was originally born in Italy, but both his parents were half japanese half white. So they moved to Japan and he lived there until he was 12. And then moved all around america until he moved down the road from me.
We would always hang out and he would make fun of me for being smaller than him. Now at the age of 18 I am only 5'7'' and he is a tall 6'3''. We still talk about how it started between us. It was around halloween. And his younger brother, mother, and father had gone out to trick or treat. I stayed over his house because my family did the same.
We were in his room watching the random horror movies that were on tv. And he asked me if I liked anyone. I didnt tell him I liked men, I just said "no not right now why?" he then looked at me and just kinda smiled. It was rare when he smiled. That was when he told me that he was gay. And I had to come out to him. From then on we would always hug each other or kiss one another just because we wanted to.
When we were 15, we started to masturbate with one another, which then lead to oral sex. We have never gone farther than that saying that its not right because we dont love one another. Until this day we still hang out and hug each other. But we call one another a sleeping buddy. Because he'll stay over my house and instead of sleeping on my pull out couch bed, he will sleep in my bed with me.
I have relationships like this with lots of my friends. And to all of you who are worried about coming out, dont be. At first people will be a little disturbed, but later on they will accept it and some people will then come out to you. And even though I have done this with men, I still have a healthy relationship with a girl, who I have been with for two years now. And to top that off, I also have a crush on another girl and boy. I know that I dont love the other boy and girl. But I still know that I am bisexual and it was hard at first thinking that I wanted to touch other boys.
Just work your way through it and you'll all be okay. Its not as bad as you think. So more power to all of you.
A poem
Hi,
I recently wrote a poem about the time I had a relationships with a gay man. I am still uncertain about my sexuality and this is an expression of the feelings I had at the time. You are welcome to post it if you think it is appropriate content for this site.
Warm regards
Andrew
" I built a wall around my sensitiveness,
to protect me from your view,
a multiple of viewpoints all struggling with you.
My anger,
my doubt,
my fear and my pain ,
will stop me from feeling anything for you,
once again.
I feel my ego welling up from inside,
that part of me which has kept me safe,
and allowed me to hide.
A multiple of attitudes all competing at once,
from both sides of this great divide,
keep me ensconsed.
Hiding out in the feeling that everything's okay
but in reality the fear is, well, maybe i'm gay.
"
Alan
i don't know when i realised i was gay but it was a few years ago now (i'm 17). in the easter holidays of 2005 i became really good friends with this lad in my school, we lived locally and hung out all the time. i don't know how it started but we began to masturbate together, in fields or where ever. everyday.
this continued for a few months, when christmas arrived i had had about enough of giving subtle hints and whilst we were playing with our soldiers i asked him to take over mine as my arm 'hurt'. He did. up till new years eve we did this regulary swapping arms. we used to just say we were men and it didn't mean anything. We still keep to that story.
New years eve arrived and we both went to the same party and got quite drunk, that night i got myself a girl friend and we're still together now. you see i'm bisexual not solely gay. when the party finished me and my mate stayed at mine as mum and dad were away, i think we both pretended to be drunk as when we arrived home we undressed and went and sat outside for a fag in nothin but open dressing gowns!
even though i have 6 individual wooden seats outside we sat together on the table, infact we laid on it and star gazed. after a while i felt a hand on my wood and before i knew it we were just gettin off with each other and stuff, after a while we returned indoors and watched some straight porn to which we masturbated and eventually ended up in the 69 position. we never had anal sex and to this day the only thing that has been up there is a dildo, you see i'm not nervouse bout that part i've brought 3 magazines and a couple of dvds aswell as a dildo, although things are wierd with my girl friend in the way we still get together for session from time to time, (not often enough though).
so be proud of what you are and don't commit yourself to one side of the fence too early. i may be gay but my hetrosexual life is just as good. make sure your ready to admit to it and dont be scared to try everythin once.
Alan.
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