Alex
When do i begin, dont know really where too. well i guess here my name is alex and i live in the south of england im 27 male and its 20th march 2007,
Ive only found out that ive got HIV, in the last three weeks, I guess at this moment im angry at the world and everyone around me, getting very little sleep and just working long days just trying to not belive in this nightmare is happening to me.
I know its not there fault, but of my own, my family now know and so do my friends but i have distances myself away from everyone i love and care and trusted, I know i still can live a normal life and live for many years too come, but all i can keep thinking is why me, I must of been bad in another life or something,
Ive always been carefully and got to know others befor having sex, but i know now that you can never trust someone, because they can easly do this to you and hurt you from the inside out just to please there own needs,
My doctor has told me that i should sit down and talk to someone even my friends, they all there to help me through this i know that, but im not ready to talk or open up to someone about my pain and hurt, i feel so alone in this world at the moment not sure where to turn to, Or where to run, why me,
AVERT.org: Helplines and community organisations in the UK can be found in our UK section. We also have a directory of AIDS service organisations in the USA.
Richard
We have all heard the saying that Oral sex is "safer" sex, which I too to an extent believe to be true with the very limited evidence at hand. However since my diagnosis in June 2005 I have learnt of many people claiming to have contracted HIV the same way as myself, Oral Sex!
Yes we are shunned and even called liars, dismissed as false statistics and accused of trying to scare monger.
Well the fact of the matter is oral transmittion of HIV is a very real threat, and one we should wake up too and invest more research and obtain reliable evidence.
With the huge increase in herpes, syphilis and other STD's our mouth is becoming a more suitable route of transmission as the HIV has the ability to 'piggy back' into our system.
Since the Thatcher years of huge icebergs and information regarding HIV, I decided that it was something I would never catch. I always used condoms for anal sex and never allowed anyone to ejaculate into my mouth. I never had a condom split on me and wouldnt even kiss if i had cracked lips. I was obsessed to point that I used to phone the National Aids helpline to ensure what I was doing was safe and that I was protected.
In May 2005 I had oral sex with a stranger, he was fit, toned and looked the perfect bill of health. This didnt prevent me from practicign safe sex. However without warning the guy ejaculated in my mouth. It happened so quick and with no warning. I was angry that it had happened, but not concerned as oral sex was considered safer sex.
After 4 weeks I fell dreadfully ill, I had a sore on my penis and raised lymth nodes in my groin. I was sufferig a temperature of 103 and was listless.
I decided to get myself off to the GUM and gave blood for a HIV test, thankfully the results were back the same day and I was negative (June 16th 2005). I was elated and so very happy and relieved.
I was seen by a Consultant as I had also developed a bady rash, he was mildly concerned that I was suffering a seroconversion illness, but from my sexual history and negative HIV test thought improbable.
Due to the severity of my symptons, it was decided that a special p24 test should be carried out. This test finds the HIV virus rather than the anti bodies, I was to return in 4 days time for the results.
The next 4 days were fine, I had been given a negative HIV test and thought my illness was something doing the rounds. I was not worried about the result, lets face it Oral sex is safer sex right, wrong!
I sat in the GUM waiting room for the nurse to give me the all clear. Instead the Consultant called me in I thought this is odd, what does he want. I sat down and was told that the HIV virus was present in my body and that I was also suffering with herpes. I starred at him and said "this is so unfair". I had always protected myself, washed hands, rinsed mouth, used condoms covered any grazes I may have had.
I sat there and just kept repeating "this is so unfair" Within 4 days I had been diagnosed HIV negative and then HIV positive. My head was messed up as you can imagine.
The consultant concluded that the guy who ejaculated in my mouth could have been shedding the herpes virus and that the HIV came with it.
I was gutted, the first time I had encountered any kind of 'safer' (not safe) sex and I was infected.
The turmoil then got worse as I was advised it could be a false positive result, so more bloods were taken to see if my body had yet produced anti bodies. Two weeks later it was a definate confirmation. I was HIV positive from oral sex.
The usual philes of bloods were taken and my viral load came back at 100,000 and a cd4 of 535, within 3 months my viral load had dropped by 87,000 to 13,000 and cd4 increased to over 600.
So what are the actual risks of catchin HIV from oral sex? Statisticly 1 in 50,000. Yet since my diagnosis more and more people have informed that they too caught it from oral transmission.
We use lube and condoms for our arse, but what protected apart from saliva do we have for our mouths. How healthy are our gums, how often do we bite our tongue whilst eating, what gum damage do we cause when flossing or brushing, how safe is our tongue after cleaniig it. Tooth picks, knives and forks, sharp crisps, and other foods damage our mouth tissue. Hot drinks can burn the lining of the mouth causing small blisters. All these make a perfect openin for HIV and othe STD's
Perhaps through the circumsatances surroundin my infection, others may consider a little more regarding what risk they are prepared to take when having Oral sex.
Do I feel cheated out of a healthy life. Yes I do. I didnt ask the guy to ejaculate and would not have invited such an act. The actions I took were considered safer, but how safe was my mouth.
RICHARD
AVERT.org: Read more about HIV and oral sex.
Don
I am so tired and scared I was diagnosed with Hiv. I should say full blown AIDS. I had no idea my doctor kept telling me I was anemic and that I should take some iron pills but I still felt so weak to the point that I could not walk. Finally I said there must be something wrong. I asked him if he had tested my blood for everything assuming everything was HIV but he told me I had to ask for that test. I didnt know now I was kind of almost to late my white blood cells were 26.
Any way its been six months now with the meds I'm up to 154 white blood cells. I feel like I might get better. But Im so scared of people touching me. My family they dont touch me they hide me away. They tell me not to touch the dishes, not to unload the dishwasher and other things. I think I could handle the disease but I can't handle life without human touch. I think that is killing me and my heart feels dead. I wanna be loved.
AVERT.org: It is most important to stress that you CANNOT get HIV from touching someone with the virus. You cannot get HIV from eating off the plates that an HIV+ person touches, or the food that they handle, or the bed that they sleep in. HIV is not spread this way - it is only spread through sexual fluids or blood getting in to another person's bloodstream. This CANNOT happen in everyday family settings, and there is NO REASON to be scared. There is no reason why an HIV-positive person should have to live the rest of their life without human warmth or touch. They are not contagious, and nobody should treat them as such.
Anthony
I am a 42 year old Italian guy from Staten Island NY. I have been living with this disease for 10 years going on 11. I was diagnosed in 1996 and from 1996-2000 I was in so much denial I ran the streets as I had before smoking crack and just wanting to get high and higher, because I thought if I was going to die , I was going to die happy and high.
So I thought. After 4 years I saw I was still here and healthy , so to speak. I decided to get help for my addiction and get educated about HIV/AIDS. I am happy and yes even proud to say that I have been clean from the drug of my choice for 6 going on 7 years and have been an HIV/AIDS Outreach Worker, Educator and Test Counselor for the same number of years and still am. I have also been a member of many groups within the government of New York: HIV/AIDS Planning Council, Advisory Group to the Planning Council, HIV/AIDS Advocate, Human and Civil Rights Advocate. I have found my passion and knowing now that it is not a death sentence, just a change of life, I can go out and spread the word that, "WE CAN LIVE" and live a very happy, productive life.
I have been addicted to crack for 12 years and lost everything: my job, my partner after 8 years, my home but mostly myself. I am back now with alot of thanks to many, but mostly to myself because it was me who willing and chose to get the truth and I did. I will persevere in this fight to educate and fight for the rights of HIV/AIDS people and all people who are treated unjustly........ I have never been more content and happy than now.
Anthony J Raiola
Staten Island NY
No comments:
Post a Comment