Don
I am so tired and scared I was diagnosed with Hiv. I should say full blown AIDS. I had no idea my doctor kept telling me I was anemic and that I should take some iron pills but I still felt so weak to the point that I could not walk. Finally I said there must be something wrong. I asked him if he had tested my blood for everything assuming everything was HIV but he told me I had to ask for that test. I didnt know now I was kind of almost to late my white blood cells were 26.
Any way its been six months now with the meds I'm up to 154 white blood cells. I feel like I might get better. But Im so scared of people touching me. My family they dont touch me they hide me away. They tell me not to touch the dishes, not to unload the dishwasher and other things. I think I could handle the disease but I can't handle life without human touch. I think that is killing me and my heart feels dead. I wanna be loved.
AVERT.org: It is most important to stress that you CANNOT get HIV from touching someone with the virus. You cannot get HIV from eating off the plates that an HIV+ person touches, or the food that they handle, or the bed that they sleep in. HIV is not spread this way - it is only spread through sexual fluids or blood getting in to another person's bloodstream. This CANNOT happen in everyday family settings, and there is NO REASON to be scared. There is no reason why an HIV-positive person should have to live the rest of their life without human warmth or touch. They are not contagious, and nobody should treat them as such.
Anthony
I am a 42 year old Italian guy from Staten Island NY. I have been living with this disease for 10 years going on 11. I was diagnosed in 1996 and from 1996-2000 I was in so much denial I ran the streets as I had before smoking crack and just wanting to get high and higher, because I thought if I was going to die , I was going to die happy and high.
So I thought. After 4 years I saw I was still here and healthy , so to speak. I decided to get help for my addiction and get educated about HIV/AIDS. I am happy and yes even proud to say that I have been clean from the drug of my choice for 6 going on 7 years and have been an HIV/AIDS Outreach Worker, Educator and Test Counselor for the same number of years and still am. I have also been a member of many groups within the government of New York: HIV/AIDS Planning Council, Advisory Group to the Planning Council, HIV/AIDS Advocate, Human and Civil Rights Advocate. I have found my passion and knowing now that it is not a death sentence, just a change of life, I can go out and spread the word that, "WE CAN LIVE" and live a very happy, productive life.
I have been addicted to crack for 12 years and lost everything: my job, my partner after 8 years, my home but mostly myself. I am back now with alot of thanks to many, but mostly to myself because it was me who willing and chose to get the truth and I did. I will persevere in this fight to educate and fight for the rights of HIV/AIDS people and all people who are treated unjustly........ I have never been more content and happy than now.
Anthony J Raiola
Staten Island NY
Anon
Im 39 and from Blackpool Uk i was first diagnosed with Hiv in 2005 after finding myself in hospital after being diagnosed with Lymphoma. getting 1 diagnoses one day was bad enough but 2 in the same day was devastating but strangely enough was more concerned about the lymphoma. Question after question consumed me for days my partner for 4years and 10 years my junior what if i had given it to him, How would i feel? How would people feel towards us both?
Well was i stupid,he was supportive and always has been, i had ongoing invasive treatment for the lymphoma for 4 months then having to start the treatment for the Hiv it was quite daunting, feeling ill all the time from cancer being sick, losing my hair, weight etc but had to fight every step of the way and coming close to death at one point the hiv is just a treatable problem that myself and my partner have to deal with and one we can do together. Both consultants that look after me are great helping me deal with problems that arise and am able to call on people at a moments notice, the combination therapy i take has its good n bad days but i prefer to know that everything is good within and that helps mentally and physically, work enviroment is good and have told a few people time will come when my friends know but that is a hurdle me and my partner will cross when the times comes.
What do i say to people that are looking for some advice?
Try to be as strong as you are and were before,everyday is a new day and be positive.
Mino
Hopefully my words might leave a lasting impact on those that read them, as I don't wish my path on anyone. Take it from me, I paid a heavy price.
We all say, oh I'll never be like that. DON'T EVER FOOL YOURSELF IN THIS PERCEPTION. I never imagined myself going to prison, let alone spending a third of my life in them! I definitely considered myself drug free, yet I was an intravenous drug addict for ten years. HIV, couldn't possibly ever happen to me, believe me it can very easily happen to anyone and its all got to do with choices, that in many instances always hold and leave devastating consequences. It's totally up to you whether they are positive or negative in nature.
Many times throughout the course of my life, the circumstances or situations I found myself in. I felt that they were not only in themselves so bitter, but totally overwhelming and more times than not, I wished I had the courage to die rather than face those hardships. Although the reality of it is, and it only took me forty years of great pain and suffering to figure it out. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to live life, regardless of its obstacles.
I believe that I've had the H.I.V. infection now for nearly ten years. The specialist whom I see on a regular basis is brilliant when it comes to dealing with H.I.V. infection and the unpredictable Aids. He has informed me that out of the one hundred participants in the drug trial I participated in, my progress is above average and my body has handled the very toxic medications extremely well.
Many have often raised the question, as to what it's like to be living with HIV. While the answers in themselves revolve around my psychological well being, my emotional stability and my physical health. To capture the insurmountable complexities surrounding this bewildering disease, it would take many years of studying and certainly it would fill numerous books. Perhaps one day, as being a long term survivor of this illness I will write about what it's like living with HIV, THE MADNESS WITHIN. By any standards it's not a pretty picture and in as much share the following.
Since being on these drugs, there has been one inescapable side effect that has persistently remained, as part of my daily struggles. Could it in fact just be an irritating reminder as to my foolishness in life? Within the first week of taking these drugs I began to notice a chilling ache in the bones or joints around my hips, knees, feet and hands. To try and describe it I don't know where to begin or where to end. To give an accurate explanation, just imagine your bones to be very brittle and in a carpenters vice, slowly being tightened! THERE IS NOTHING IN LIFE THAT WE CANNOT ENDURE, EVEN THE MOST HORRIFYING OF EXPERIENCES; EVENTUALLY WE GROW ACCUSTOMED TO THEM. As long as I remain active, this ache goes unnoticed. Through it all, I have been a survivor.
I firmly believe that regardless of our circumstances or situation in life. We should never lose sight of our goals or dreams, no matter how impossible they may seem. In remaining persistent, determined and focused, one day even the impossible can and will become a reality, we just need a belief.
I think that the most important message I can leave you with is that: The biggest obstacle a person faces in life is their underestimation of the strength, as well as the perseverance that they posses within themselves, when it comes to overcoming any and all obstacles placed in their path. Remember, regardless of your circumstance or situation in your life, you are not defeated unless you choose to accept defeat as final, in which case you have given up on yourself. I firmly believe that no matter what obstacle you're faced with in life you are the ruler of your destiny and if you allow that obstacle to control your life then without doubt it is bound to cripple even the strongest and bravest of society. Therefore regardless of the circumstance, you control it. Don't let it control you.
Regardless of sexual preference or the stage of someone's illness I regard everyone who shares this disease as a brother or sister in a combined effort to fight in every way possible this devastating illness that has reached enormous proportions worldwide.
AVERT.org: Mino Pavlic is the author of a book called "No Obstacle Too Great", which further describes his experiences of prison life, drug addiction and living with HIV.
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