Bernhard
I am a member of the Positive Speakers in my local support group for people living with HIV/Aids in Namibia.
When I tested HIV positive for the first time I did not believe my result. I had been tested at a private doctor and didn’t get any counselling. I went three times for testing at the local clinics in Walvis Bay. The results were the same.
I thought it would never happen to me because I am Boxer, powerful and strong in my body. It was very emotional and painful for me. I kept it secret but that also caused me pain. I thought that I was going to die and my family and friends were going to discriminate against me; gossip about me.
Then I found a new family through the People Living with HIV/AIDS Support group at the Walvis Bay Multi-Purpose Centre Trust. I can tell you that it is important to join a support group to share your feelings with others. It helped me a lot. After I got support and information from the support group, I decided to disclose my HIV status to my Family.
And on 15 May 2003 I decided to disclose my HIV status to the public. I shocked the world when I announced at a Swakopmund candle light vigil that, I, Bernhard Kamatoto from Namibia, a Southern Africa champion boxer, am HIV positive. When I announced my status, I said to myself that to die is unacceptable and to have people discriminate against me is unacceptable.
This past six years I still live with my people, but I moved from my house to take responsibility for myself. I now rent my own room. I am a father of a 5 year old boy who is also HIV positive and he lives with me. I want him to grow up to live positively with the virus and to protect himself. Having my son gives me the strength to continue to be a spokesman for people living with HIV. I made it my mission to learn to take care of my child and myself.
There have been times when I have been very sick but usually, with healthy living and my medications, I am well and strong. I am one of the lucky ones as I have responded optimally to the medication with no side effects. I know that many people living with HIV/AIDS in Namibia don’t take their treatment correctly because of a lack of information. I have been given a second chance for life with my treatment and everyday I think that my lucky stars are shining.
By becoming a Positive Speaker, the door has opened for me to talk to thousands of people all around Namibia. I remind people that getting HIV is not the end of the road and that there should be no stigma attached to it. I have become a Namibian ambassador and it makes me proud that people recognize me as a brave and valuable person. Many people who have questions about HIV have come up to me or called me, especially men. When I wear my red t-shirt that says Living with HIV, I get a lot of support. Because people know my status I have been able to help those who are scared and alone.
I don't want people to say to my family your child was useless.
Bernhard Kamatoto
Namibia
A mother, Ethiopia
Dear all, how are you? I want my name annonym and my story out in the open. I am an Ethiopian. I found out that I was HIV+ in April, 07 when I was pregnant. I insisited on getting the test against my Doc's oppostition as he felt that I was a very healthy person. But then I was thinking for my baby.
When I found out, I was shocked but since I had previously all the psychological readiness when I decided to have the test, I managed it very well. I then demanded to have my CD4 count done in May. It was 251 and the Doc said I didn't need to start any treatment. I then decided to deliver with CS (Cessarian Section) and never breastfed. I was given one tablet hours before my CS and a day aftr he was born my baby was given a drop of Neviraprine. Now, I felt that my baby is ok. Atleast the Doc told me that he is 98% safe. Now he is 4 months, healthy and is growing up so fast.
In October I had my CD4 chount and Viral load done. My CD4 is now 659 without a treatment just because I took care of myself after delivery. My viral load is 5952 copy/ml. The Doctor said I am far from starting ARV and that I should just take care.
With my partner (the father of my son), it was very difficult. At first I thought we can never be the same again. But he told me he needed sometime to process the information and he is afraid to take his test. I've been reading alot about the disease and tried to convince my partner. But he said he'd do it at his own time. But he still loves me, we use condoms and are leading normal life.
I told my status to my family except my parents. My sister felt that they might be destroyed with that information and no need to tell them. But she treats me as if nothing happened. My brother is most educated and understanding. He also monitors my situation and takes care of me. So, I'm now a very happy working mum. I want all you women to be the same. We all have equal probability of death, which is inevitable anyways. Live today and let tomorrow handle itself.
Love you all!!
AVERT.org has more about preventing mother-to-child HIV transmission.
Paul
Just came across your organisation in the net. I wish to thank you for the effort you have done so far to encourage the infected and the affected. I am from Cameroon and a student and was lately affected by this infection.
My uncle is the centre of the story. The whole quest deals on faithfulness in marriage. He was a young man of about 40 with a wife and four children. He was the hope for many of us in the family. He was a well trained laboratory technicien. He did his courses in Cameroon, worked here for sometime and left for Italy where he studied.
He has been operating his small clinic in one village around, when he suddenly fell sick. No one knew what was happening to him. This just happened at a time when AIDS history in my area was still a mystery. He just died some time after and is then that I knew he had extra marital activities. Right now no body can tell the children their father died of the sickness because I feel that is going to create a negative impact on them.
Kola
My name is Kola, I had been very ill for several months, and I had been in and out of the hospital weeks before I finally took the HIV test based on my Doctors’ advice. The test results came out on Wednesday September 19, 2001.
“It’s not the end of the world.” The doctor had said as he handed me the test results. As I sat there short of words, staring at the results hoping to see a fine prints somewhere where that reads “this was all a joke” or something, but I never saw the fine prints I was looking for. “If you take good care of yourself and eat proper diet with good exercise, you could remain productive for about five (5) years or more.” He continued. “The most important thing is for you to think & live positively.” To me, that seemed like the verdict -5years!? I thought aloud, as the doctor shrugged and murmured something like: “unless you can afford the expensive treatments.”
I went home and cried like a baby even though I just turned 27 about two weeks earlier. Three days later, I’d told my fiancéé about my status and convinced her to get tested. Foluke and I have been dating & we’ve been having unprotected-sex for about three year or so. She took the test precisely on Thursday September 27, 2001. And the result showed she was HIV negative! It was incredible, and I didn’t want to believe it. So I convinced her to take a second test a few months later, and she did –the results showed she was negative still! Foluke insists we should remain together whatever the case may be, and I couldn’t agree more. (Did I hear you say: “selfish?” Well, what can I say, isn’t love suppose to conquer all things?)
I continued living my live as if nothing had happened. Fuluke & I still make love regularly, and we were closer than ever! I know what you are thinking –did we use protections? Foluke wouldn’t hear/take any of that, no matter how hard I tried. What do you mean you don’t understand? Foluke vowed never to use a condom & somehow, she convinced me she could already have been infected anyway. Yes, I now know better; I should have insisted on protections.
I started taking expensive food-supplements like JUBI Formula and others in October 2001, just in case. I got Foluke on some contraceptives until we were sure it was okay to build a family. But that didn’t work, as Foluke got pregnant in June, 2004. I was beginning to look the shadow of myself, because the food-supplements I was taking no longer function as such, rather it became more like a stimulant (yes! A stimulant, I had sex as frequent as Four to Five times a week). At that moment, Foluke was looking as radiant as ever, while people have started complaining about my sudden change in physical structure & look. Then it dawn on me what the doctor had said about “me living productively for Five years or thereabout”, it’s been almost three years since I tested positive and I already looked the way I did. I believed I won’t be around long enough to take care of Foluke & the baby, so I voluntarily resigned my appointment where I worked, and told my fiancéé that I had to leave town for a while to sort myself out (health wise). One of my cousins died of severe stigma as a result of her HIV status, and I was not prepared to face a fraction of what she went through. Her mother died also, as a result of what some people referred to as shame and depression caused by the death of her daughter. Foluke broke down for days, and she eventually lost the baby in October 2004 (or so I heard) while I was away in a self-inflicted exile.
I had left Nigeria never to return, not minding where I was going, I walked out of my life, my friends & family, and everything I had ever known –I just left. I left on Tuesday June 22, 2004 on a plane that took me as far as possible from Nigeria after taking as much money as possible with me for the trip. And I’d made sure Foluke had enough to be comfortable for a while. Or till, if by some miracle I ever returned.
I have since travelled far and wide on a death-row. I stayed in touch with Foluke, and no one-else for a few months. But when I couldn’t find myself returning anytime soon, I stopped writing (e-mail) to Foluke in other not to keep her hopes high or something. She sent me a mail that she now works in an organization where she is well paid (her current HIV status? I guess she’s still negative). As for me, I have since returned to Nigeria (but not Lagos where I used to live). And I got to know so much about HIV/AIDS based on several information/researches I have embarked upon. I am now taking the treatment thanks to the free treatment policy of the Federal government of Nigeria which millions of other PLWHA have also benefited from.
I intend to set-up an Information centre where information will be disseminated to people who got tested (positive) to the virus. These informations will be available in a Ten to Twenty paged booklets (something portable and easy to read), also in recorded tapes for those who may not be able to read (in Four different Nigerian languages), to help them deal with the scourge that may be associated with the virus. Hundreds of thousands of people are dying on a daily bases in Nigeria and indeed Africa due to lack of information, or half-baked informations. If only people are well informed about the virus and how it can be controlled (even without ARVs); if only I had a fraction of the information I have on the virus now, I probably would have made a better decisions as concerned my life.
I have my whole life ahead of me now; I have dreams which must be accomplished, but first I have to make each day count and most importantly, I need to get a job soon! And no matter what the situation may be, LIFE MUST GO ON!
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