Angie
Hi my name is Angie and I am Zimbabwean.
I have had a pretty straight life with one boyfriend at a time. In 2001 I found out I was pregnant and had a beautiful baby boy in November who was premature. Things happened and I broke up with his father. I started dating this west-African guy who had it all going on for him but we always lived apart. I got tired of the abuse that I was going through with him (mentally and emotionally) and decided to just forget about him. I stopped contacting him and met a few guys but never got into relationship with them. I always got tested and always came out negative. Then I met the man I am with now in October 2004. He made me feel special and this time I decided that he was the one (within 2 weeks of knowing each other). I told him we had to be tested and went together. I felt like the world had collapsed on me. I was HIV+ and he was negative. He has been there by me but you can tell he is scared. He is a wonderful man and has helped me maintain a healthy life. I really believe my will to live is for him and my son. He doesn't have any children but wants them. He is just scared that the baby might be born +tive. I want to have his baby too and also fear the same thing. I am still waiting for my cd4 count and pray it is normal. If God asked me what wishes I would like him to grant me it will be to have one or two more kids and live a long life for them. And see them graduate.
Hopeful,
Angie
Mamello
I'm 20 years old and from South Africa. I remember when I was 14 and I wrote a poem called "silent killer", which was about AIDS. The disease wasn't a reality for me then...how things have changed.
I took my first test today. The results came back Negative, and although I'm happy and all, it really made me think. I find myself in a country where it's not a matter of default that someone my age is negative. So many of the people I grew up with are becoming sick and dying. In South Africa, funerals used to be held on Saturdays only. These days, its a Monday to Monday affair.
What really hits hard is the number of young people who seem to have the attitude that "it won't happen to me". Girls as young as 14 are falling pregnant - which obviously means that they are exposing themselves to monumental risk. And its even sadder is that so much time and money is being spent on education and prevention, and its hard to see the positive effects.
AFRICA IS DYING SLOWLY...
To all those who are +ve... please stay strong. Joshua 1:9 says "be strong and of good courage, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Even if all else fails, He will never, ever stop loving you.
To everyone who is -ve, please stay that way.
Mamello
If Africa is to be re-awakened, then HOPE needs to be restored. Here's to A RE-AWAKENING OF HOPE"
TK
I'm 26, living in South Africa. I just found out that I'm hiv +ve exactly two weeks ago. What can I say? It's been a whirlwind of emotions, from feeling on top of the world when finding out that I was pregnant, to literally wanting to curl up and die the next day when the doc told me my test results came back +ve. I�m married to someone I consider the love of my life. When we met, I took an hiv test, it was negative. He told me he'd recently taken one as a requirement to be accepted for an overseas study programme, and he'd tested negative. Since then, he said, he'd practised safe sex. I believed him, and asked no further questions. I found out afterwards that what he actually meant by safe sex was that he'd since been involved with just one woman since testing negative, but he wasn't using protection. A few months after we started having unprotected sex, I fell gravely ill. The doc suggested I take another test, I refused, saying I wasn't ready for the stress and besides, I was sure I was negative. I recovered slowly but from then it was one thing or the other with my health, skin rashes, new allergies, my skin has literally changed in the space of one year and for the first time I'm using concealing make-up and choosing my summer tops very carefully. I guess the warning signs have been there since I fell sick earlier this year, I'm educated on hiv and some of my symptoms literally had the warning bells ringing inside my head. Still, the shock of discovering my status is something I will never wish on my worst enemy. I thought my life is over. Ok I know what they say about hiv no longer being a death sentence but in my mind my life as I knew it, is over. In fact, I started thinking of ways I could end my life. My husband has been by my side all along, and he is just as devastated. I hold no grudge against him at all, I�ve forgiven him. I honestly believe he was just ignorant about it all, just as I was - not making him take the test instead believing what he said. Before my husband, I had one four-year and one three-year relationship. I still believe he's the one I should be with. When I read what Rita said about being angry all the time, at God and at her husband, I was compelled to write my story. I just want to say to her �Rita, please try to forgive your husband. I know it�s not easy, I�m battling just as hard to forgive myself. Like you, I consider myself well-educated and ambitious, we're both the same age in SA so I sort of know what kind of future we feel we deserve. The transformation in your husband is in itself a blessing that has come out of this situation, and through his renewed faith, you will also be blessed and in time, you will regain your trust in the Lord. Just the fact that you now have a beautiful healthy baby is in itself another blessing. As for our baby, we decided to keep it but after further tests revealed that my cd4 count was very low, my doc advised that it wouldn�t be the best option to keep it as the chances of infecting it would be high. So I terminated it the very same week. I was devastated, I still am. I cry almost everyday and it�s taking a toll on my health. But like you, I want to live, I want children in my marriage and I want to see them grow up. And sometimes I actually do believe I will achieve all of that and more. I also came very close to denouncing God and even questioned his existence in the past two weeks, but my husband, like yours, has been very strong in prayer and through him I'm beginning to come to terms with this and my faith in God is being restored. We have not told a soul, and do not plan to do so anytime soon, at least until we get a grip ourselves. We start meds soon and I hope that will be the beginning of a new and positive life for us. Stay strong and keep expressing your feelings.
Much love
TK
Rita
I have read stories from other HIV positive people and I think I should share mine with you too.
I am a married woman aged 39 years with four children. I am a South African living in South Africa.
I discovered that I am HIV positive in November 2000 when I wanted to insure my house. In April that year, my husband was hospitalised and discharged without my knowledge as he was working away from home. I came to know when I phoned him. When he was discharged he came home for two to three weeks. For the rest of his stay at home we did not have sex which was strange and he looked worried.
Towards the end of June the same year my 1 year daughter who I was breastfeeding was admitted in hospital and it was pneumonia which I did not think much about its connection with her father's illness.
In October when we had to undergo the HIV test I was confident but my husband was nervous although he pretended to be fine.
One day when I got home I was got a message from the Doctor that we should both of us I myself and my husband) see him. It was Friday afternoon. What came right to my mind was that I was going to get the bad news. I only started to think back, my husband got sick and my daughter ��eish.
As usual my husband ignored the importance of meeting the Doctor and went back to his workplace. On Monday I called the Doctor and confirmed an appointment. I had to go there alone and I was told that I was HIV positive. I can't explain the situation I went through, you know I nearly collapsed, I went straight home to sleep. I only told my children that I was not feeling well. I did not have courage to tell them my status because I am only their last hope in life.
I took three days crying, without eating, until I felt that I was weak and could not do anything. That was when I remembered that I had someone special to talk to which was GOD. I prayed, I read the Bible from time to time crying accusing God of what has happened to me. You know from the readings I got courage, I told myself that at least for the remaining years I could work hard for my children.
On my own I think I am tough, I can handle the situation but what eats me every day of my life is looking at my little girl who is also suffering. She will be four in July this year. I always blame myself for breast feeding. I thought I loved her, look at what has happened, she is also HIV positive. I wish I could confess to her but she is too young to understand.
The reason I regret breastfeeding my daughter is that in February the same year I had to be operated and I tested negative. The other thing I suspect is that my husband did this purposely, maybe he was told when he was in hospital, that is why when he got home we did not have any sex. But when next he came home we continued with unprotected sex.
The people who know about my status are my two sisters who are supportive indeed.
I wish all the best for everyone.
Regards
Rita
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