Young People Living HIV - 20-Apr-2008

From Hawaii

I’m 15 and have been smoking meth and snorting coke for as long as I can remember. Living in Honolulu and being away from home most of the time, I was eager to stay with anybody who had money and a bed to sleep in.

I checked into Kahi Mohala: a rehab hospital for a couple of weeks. They told me I had AIDS and that I will die from it eventually. It was and still is overwhelmingly devastating.

I have 2 little baby brothers and I hope I’m around for them to have a good remembrance of me. It’s sad really. My life. But I deserve it and am in a way given a second chance. It opened my eyes to the people and things around me. I have support from my mother who can barely handle.

I’m young and don’t know of anybody living with the disease. Hardly even the one who gave it to me. He was 21 and took advantage. I have a young heart but an old soul. Insight. I pray everyday and go to church on Sundays. Always having faith in god, I believe this was my destiny and AIDS is more than just a disease. It changes you. Makes your mind stronger, knowing your time is limited you begin to see things differently…appreciate the blessings.

It was only just detected so I have a long road ahead of me, I mean a really long one. I go through withdrawal and cry myself to sleep. I want to say fuck it and go back to the lifestyle. But I feel it would be betraying my family and connection god.

I want to accomplish so many things. And I will. Everybody makes mistakes. Everyone has scars. This is life, start questioning it. Ask yourself what really is important to you.
Thanks for listening.

Aloha.

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Mr. H

I wanted to include my personal story on your website.

I am 17 years old and I was diagnosed with HIV last year. I was in detention where they routinely test for HIV – the doctor at detention broke the news. I felt crushed, like my life was over…like I was nobody. I thought I was going to die real soon. I felt that my life would never be the same. I was very spontaneous when I was in the world (I’m in secure custody now). I’ve know now for about 8 months, and the first week of knowing was the worst week of my life. Losing sleep, thinking about the future and the past, and the stuff that I had to give up when I go home.

I think a lot about how I’m going to tell my current girlfriends. I often stress a lot because I want to have kids and I want to live a normal life. I want to not have to think about it, not have to be so precautious. Every day, I ask myself, “Why me?” I mean they got plenty of people who just don’t care, but I do.

My family supports me 100% - I hate to hear people talk about it when they really don’t know what they are talking about. I find myself about to correct people but at the same time I want to remain confidential about my diagnosis. But at the same time, I still have gossipers spreading rumors about me. I mean, I’m young, dashingly handsome, and you wouldn’t be able to tell from looking at me. And I try to live as normally as I can, but it seems like I can’t win for losing.

Thanks,

Mr. H

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Ben

i am 17 and i learned that i had the hiv virus. i was told when i was 10. I remember that day perfectly, it was honestly the worst day of my life. my heart broke.

well anyways this is how it all started. okay i was born and my mom was like a prostitute and cocaine addict or something like that and when i was born she brought me to and adoption agency and when they looked at her they would'nt take me because they knew what she was. sucks huh.

well any way the doctor had me with her and she needed to go to vermont. so the lady who is my mother now gave her the ticket and through time i was what she got in return. so we came back to vermont and came to grow with my new family. i have no information on my real mother and want to know so badly but don't know how to go about something that huge.

well i grew up and my mother thought she should tell me when i was 10. that day shattered all of my dreams and hopes. but now that iam older and have had more time to think about it all, i realized that my dreams aren't shattered there's just one more thing to make me stronger and thats exactly what it is doing.

now being 17 my life is great iam in a relationship and it is wonderful and we both are comfortable with it. my friends are there for me every step of the way. my family is wonderful even though i feel like there is something missing what i have i pricless. and after having my meds being up and down and having to deal with almost dying. now iam living with meds that are perfect and are keeping my virus in remission and thats is wonderful.

i actually feel normal and not shuned from the whole world. my life is going great and iam glad i have it because then i wouldn't be me and i love who i am. i also wouldn't be able to share my life story and possibly have the chance to educate a few teens. but if this could get published or something that would so make my day and my life. thank you for letting me share my story with the world. thank you.

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Kerry

I am 17 and will be 18 in two months. In October 2005 I gave blood, I then gave again in Febuary this year. I had a letter asking for me to go to the blood clinic or to arange for them to come to me. At first I didnt think that it was anything important and no-one mentioned any thing as being wrong. They called to my hose and took blood but still I wasnt toled what it was, just that they had some unusual test results. Later I was asked to go to the hospital and toled I had HiV anti-bodies. My partner of 3 years was then tested and he has a low cd4 count. In a way I'm glad I got it, otherwise we wouldn't know he has it and has to start medication, or that his children, from a previous relationship, were born with it. Now we can prevent any children we have from getting it.